The Gift is The Challenge
Hey there, pretty lady. If you are like me, you love being a stay-at-home mom. You understand what a blessing it is to raise your children without having to send them to the babysitter or daycare all day so you can go to work. On good days, you see what a true blessing this is. On the tougher days, you can start to wonder why you ever chose to live this life and you wonder if you’re not messing it all up anyway.
Parenting is demanding. The isolation of spending all day, every day with tiny humans who need you but having nobody to carry an adult conversation with gets overwhelming at times. The enemy plants doubt in us in our isolation. If you have ever felt what I am describing, then I am so glad you are here! If you haven’t yet, I am still glad you’re here because it happens to all of us at some point.
I am especially excited to write to you today about resilience. In the Psalms, David reminds us that our help comes from the Lord. Paul tells us, in his letter to the Romans, what is gained in our times of trial. In this article, I want to share practical tips as well as scriptures that give me the hope and strength needed for this motherhood journey. So, let’s jump right in!
Understanding Resilience
Resilience. It does not mean simply surviving hard times. Resilience includes overcoming challenges with poise and grace and coming out stronger on the other side. No matter what some may think about being “just” a stay-at-home mom, anyone who’s done it knows the level of strength it takes to do it well. It takes mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual stamina to make it through motherhood. And that’s precisely what resilience is. If that’s not how you would describe yourself, don’t worry. This is a skill you can learn, and there’s no better time than now.
As Christians, we already have the instructions on how to deal with our problems. David and Peter both said it plainly:
Psalm 55:22: “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.”
1 Peter 5:7: “Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”
Understand first that God has already made a way for you so there’s no use being anxious or worried during the process. This is how you set about building resilience. Know that God’s got you, come what may. Then use the principles here to help you get there.
Recognizing and Addressing Challenges
The first step to solving any issue is realizing there is one. Some of the phases of motherhood can cause us to feel isolated. Sometimes, as moms in this social media world, we are filled with self-doubt and lack confidence. On other days, we feel so much burnout we wonder how we will get through even one more day without a vacation. Then, we feel so much mom guilt for even feeling this way. We deny ourselves the grace we so freely give everyone else.
It can feel like you are alone on this path. Like you’re the only mom feeling like there’s no way she’ll ever get everything done. Like you’re the only mom who can feel like she’s losing herself in her motherhood. I assure you, we’ve all either been there or we will be. It’s just part of the territory.
We read in James 1:2-4 (brackets mine): “My brethren [and sisters], count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”
The word James uses for patience here, in the original Greek, means cheerful endurance, constancy, and patience. Constancy means faithful and dependable.
What does this mean to you as a mom? The struggles we all face will ultimately produce cheerful endurance, patience, faithfulness, and dependability within us. Basically, we become resilient and it’s because of the hard parts of motherhood, not despite them.
You Were Never Meant to Be Alone
If you don’t have any friends who are experiencing the same season of life as you, I would encourage you to seek them out. Moms can be such a blessing to each other when we band together. Even just sharing relatable stories can be a huge lift in your spirit.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”
Strike up a conversation with another mom from church, at the park, or at a school function. Join a mommy-and-me fitness class. Look on social media for online communities in your area and look for ones that do regular meetups. Online interaction is better than none, but meeting other humans face-to-face is going to offer you so much more benefit.
Whether you’re able to reach out to another mom or moms for support, or if reading this blog is the closest you have to that right now, we need to talk about all four aspects of resilience: emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual.
Nurturing Emotional Resilience
Jesus said in John 10:10 that He came so we may have life and have it more abundantly. The word abundant in the Greek meaning superior in quality, exceedingly abundantly above, beyond measure. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a fantastic life. Proverbs 17:22 says, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Our emotional health matters to God. It’s okay to acknowledge our feelings – the joys, the struggles, and everything in between.
Self-reflection is a great way to connect with our own hearts. Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard our hearts above all else. You cannot guard what you are not familiar with. Take time to reflect on your emotions. Think about what steals your joy. When do you feel out of control? What causes my mind to start overthinking and worrying?
Mindfulness isn’t just some new trendy thing. Mindfulness, like deep-breathing exercises and meditation, aligns beautifully with our faith. Psalm 46:10 urges us, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Create stillness by practicing deep breathing and meditating on the promises of God’s Word (like it says in Joshua 1:8).
Always remember, seeking help is never a sign of weakness but rather it’s a sign of wisdom. Again, God’s Word has guidance for us. Proverbs 12:15 tells us that the wise listen to advice. Seek good, Godly counseling. Pray for His guidance in finding the right counselor.
I feel like I say it in every post, but I am going to repeat it again: Self-care is not selfish, it’s necessary. When we prioritize our emotional health, we’re better equipped to care for our families and fulfill our God-given purpose.
Strengthening Mental Resilience
Mental resilience has a lot to do with having a growth mindset. Romans 5:3-5 tells us that we rejoice when trials come because going through these tough times produces endurance and character. This growth only happens when we embrace a positive outlook on setbacks and see them as opportunities for learning and growth.
Celebrate small victories. Motherhood is a marathon, not a sprint. Motherhood is also in the details. If you don’t stop to take in the beauty and strength you produce daily, you’re going to miss it. And when you miss the mark, be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace.
If you don’t have a self-care routine, I strongly suggest you start. Scheduling time to take care of yourself sounds silly until you get to motherhood and you’re wearing the same shirt for 3 days and can’t recall the last time you washed your hair let alone the last time you’ve eaten. So, schedule it. Start small: schedule washing your face before bed. Add a new item (like a morning shower, a walk, a bath, etc.) each time you master the last.
Do things you like. Practice a hobby. If you don’t have one, find one. Take that class you’ve been putting off. Learn a new skill like baking or starting a fire from flint. Whatever it is, make sure it stimulates the mind and emotions.
Enhancing Physical Resilience
Being physically healthy is a major factor in overall resilience. To achieve peak physical health, you will need regular exercise, adequate nutrition, and quality sleep, consistently. Why are these the most important factors?
Regular Exercise Reshapes, Energizes, and Detoxifies
Exercising regularly helps you maintain a healthy weight, improves cardio (so you can keep up with those littles!), and makes you strong. You can literally reshape your body by building nice round muscles and shedding extra fat reserves. Exercising also gives you joy by releasing endorphins AKA the “happy hormone”. Finally, exercise improves circulation, delivering oxygen and nutrients to the body. Your body can then repair and replace damaged cells and clears out the waste.
Proper Nutrition Makes Us Healthy, Pretty, and Smart
You are what you eat. It’s true. The entire reason we eat is to fuel our bodies in tearing down and rebuilding cells 24/7 for 80+ years. When you deny your body this basic need, you’ll find yourself operating well below peak performance. Luckily, if you’re reading this, you’ve still got time to make better decisions in fueling your body.
Food rich in nutrients gives us energy, a strong immune system, and building blocks for new cells. Proper nutrition is imperative for brain function as well, aiding in memory, focus, and mental clarity. As somewhat of a bonus when you eat a healthy diet, you will also start receiving compliments on your beautiful hair, radiant skin, and strong nails.
Quality Sleep Recharges, Regulates Mood, and Reduces Sickness
Enough cannot be said in one blog post about the importance of sleep for your overall health and well-being. Seriously. Make sleep a priority, do not pencil it in around everything else. God took an entire day off to rest. You are made in His image. You, sweet momma, need rest. Before you come for me, I know this is not always possible in every season of motherhood. New babies don’t sleep. Illness happens. Kids come with sports, plays, recitals, etc. (Currently in baseball, soccer, and gymnastics season here. Pray for me!) I get it. But if you’re not getting 7-9 hours of sleep every night right now, ask yourself what you can change to get more sleep. It will change your life.
Sleep restores the body. It’s like turning your phone off and turning it back on again. Everything that was clogging up your performance is cleaned up. While we sleep, our body repairs itself. It consolidates our memories and moves them to long-term storage. This is also the time when hormones (which basically control our entire body’s functioning) are released. In this way, quality sleep means better mood, better ability to learn and retain information, and better ability to handle stress. Just like nutrition, quality sleep also aids in immune system function.
When the Psalmist wrote about the wife of noble character, he included directions on physical fitness. Proverbs 31:17 says: “She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.” We also would do well to remember that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit as Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. We are to honor God with our bodies. Every one of us has fallen short in this aspect. I love when I see a passage like this one, that may feel like a limitation at the time but then I realize that boundary was for my good. Honor the temple that your body is by giving it these 3 things it needs. You’re sure to see the blessing it was intended to be for us.
Spiritual Resilience and Faith
If you haven’t studied the Bible at length, you might be surprised to learn that your life’s transformation is not supposed to begin and end at salvation. Romans 12:2 tells us God’s will for us is that we will be transformed by the renewing of our minds. We also know from Romans 10:17 that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God.
So what does this mean for spiritual resilience?
When we accepted Christ, we got a new Spirit. That Spirit needs to grow in us. For this to happen, we must not only be willing vessels, but active participants. Reading God’s Word, praying, and worshiping God are the most important things we can do to keep a healthy spiritual life.
Daily Dose of the Word
Everything in your spiritual life is accepted through faith. We grow in faith only one way: by the Word of God. If you want more faith, read your Bible. Study it. Meditate on it. Pray and ask for understanding. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. (James 4:8) Our lives will transform when we commit to renewing our minds through the daily reading of God’s Word.
John 1:1 tells us “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” This “Word” is Jesus. And it’s the same “Word” that refers to “The Bible”. Basically, when we read our Bibles, we allow Jesus to have a conversation with us. But not us, the Holy Spirit living in us. When we pray while we read, we invite God even further into the conversation.
Conversation with the Creator
Let me put it simply. Reading your Bible will change your life. Praying – talking to God – will rapidly accelerate this change.
People like to be all legalistic about prayer. As if you have to be positioned in some kind of way, speak in some old English language, and maybe shout a bit before it counts as prayer. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 tells is to “pray without ceasing”. That means always. Without stopping. If you have to talk all other-than-yourself like that for it to count as prayer, isn’t everyone sinning when they aren’t talking like that? Of course not! Prayer is simply conversation with the Creator. He walked with Adam and Eve in the cool of the night and they didn’t have any problems to complain about. Just talk to Him throughout the day. Include Him in your happenings, and in your decisions. Draw near to Him. He’s already there, waiting for you.
Many people only turn to prayer when they need something. It’s almost as if God is Santa and they’re giving Him their list! I’ve been here too, but I learned a better way. A major part of prayer is not requests, but praise and worship.
Let the True Worshiper Arise
Jesus told the woman at the well that God is looking for true worshipers. Those who will worship Him in spirit because God is Spirit. Going through the motions in the physical will not be enough. True worship is to be a living sacrifice for God, living your life as He calls you, and doing everything as if it is unto God (Romans 12:1 and 1 Corinthians 10:31).
Worship also includes singing praises, playing instruments, making a joyful noise, bowing, kneeling, meeting together with and encouraging other believers. You can reference John 4:23-24, Hebrews 10:24-25, Psalm 95:1-2 and 6-7; 100:1-2, Ephesians 5:19 at your leisure. He didn’t say you had to sound good, just to make a “joyful” noise. Thank Him. Praise Him. Think about everything you have been given in this life and thank God. See what happens when you say, “Thank you, Father” and mean it.
When you get your spiritual life put together, you’ll be amazed at the changes in the other areas of life. If you’re not seeing the changes that you would like to see, pray about it. God wants to give you every good thing more than you even want to have it. Ask Him to show you the way. Then listen for the answer. The most likely place you will hear it is while prayerfully reading the Bible and worshiping God.
Teaching Resilience to Children
So, how do we instill all this in our children? If you’ve adopted the principles above, you’ve got a good head start!
Leading by example is probably the best way to teach resilience. Let them see you work through real-life issues with faith, optimism, and determination. Show them that things aren’t always easy but goals can be achieved if you push through with the skills we discussed above.
Nurture your children’s skills that create resilience. Work on problem-solving, praising them for effort instead of achievement. Teach them how important the way we talk to ourselves is. Talk positively to them so they are equipped with positive things to say to themselves.
Most importantly, root your children in God’s Word. From even before they are able to understand, read the Bible to them. Get a kid’s Bible and read them the stories that will build their faith in the Creator and all He continually does for us. Teach them to be grateful for everything they have, even during difficult seasons. Listen to children’s worship music, take them to children’s church.
Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. -Proverbs 22:6
In Closing: Embracing Resilience as a Mom of Faith
Embracing this journey of growth in resilience will bless not only you but the next generation in your household. For every challenge you grow through, you have the opportunity to lead by example in teaching resilience to your family. Embrace these opportunities. Draw strength from your faith in God, and remember the importance of community. Take care of your physical body since it is the temple of God. Renew your mind by reading God’s Word and take hold of the promises. Combined, these practices will improve your entire way of being. Your family will be so blessed to have a mom at home who knows who she is in Christ and is living in the blessings of resiliency. Your children will grow up immersed in it; it’ll make them more resilient, too.
Call to Action
Whew! We covered a lot. This is my longest blog post to date. I wanted to add a lot more. I think I said a lot already. Let me know what you think. Is there anything you want me to expand on? What have you employed in your life to help you build resilience in any of the ways we talked about in this post? Comment below. I can’t wait to hear from you!
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